Not Myself

I'm not sure why, but this entire week I've been sort of...off.

I just feel super emotional, hyper sensitive and basically down in the dumps.

I'm really looking forward to this much needed weekend ahead of me where I will be keeping myself busy, but hopefully sleeping in a bit too.

--

Although last night was lots of fun! We went out to John's camp because his Sister is in town and we just hung out there and had an amazing dinner and drank quite a few glasses of wine!
It definitely was really nice to get to know his sister better! She's so much fun and a LOT like John. They are basically the same person... looks and personality.

I'm really looking forward to Sunday when we go out there for her and a couple of their other family member's birthdays. It's going to be great. When that family gets together it's so much fun. I feel like sometimes they are the family from a story book or a movie.

:) I love that I get to spend time with them, I definitely feel very lucky!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

3 more sleeps until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 comes out in theatres!

Oh-You know I'll be there the first showing that airs!

However, once it's over, I'm probably going to feel like something is missing in my life.

I'll feel, well, empty.

Harry Potter will be done forever.

PPD-Post Potter Depression.

Anybody else going through the same thing?

Does anybody have any good book recommendations that could even come CLOSE to Harry Potter?

Please let me know. I'm going to need it.

I'll Be There. Even When You Hate My Face. I'll Be There. Always.

Times can be tough.
But don't forget, I am here. Always.
Please don't forget...
Even when, at the moment, my voice is like a nail scratching a chalkboard, I'll sit with you in silence.
Even when you don't want to laugh, I'll cry with you and let you use my shoulder.
Even when you want to grab the whole world and give it a good shake, I will hang on. To you.
And hopefully make you happy.
Somehow.
Someway.
I'll do that.
Because to me, you are perfect.
I'll do anything.
To see you smile.

To All My Family

I love you more than anything.
I hope you never forget that for even one minute.
Yes, yes. I know. Sometimes I'm not there as often as you might like.
I'm off galavanting in the life of a 21 year old.
Off with my boyfriend. Off with my friends. Off to the movies. Off to the mall. Always... off...somewhere.
And you miss me.
And believe me.
I miss you just as much.

But I need to remember. And, alas, you need to remember.
That that is just it.
I am 21.

I'm no longer a teenager who is just bumming around the house.
I have a life. And I try to manage it between all of those I love most in the world.

My friends. My family. My boyfriend. My job.

And sometimes, well, it's hard. Really hard. But I do it.

Soon, I'll be off on my own with barely a penny to spare. But you know what I'll do? I'll manage just like I've been doing all along.

And you may not see me as often as you like. But I promise I'm always thinking of you and I'll always try to make as much time for you as possible. Because, like I said... I miss you just as much as you miss me.
And I'm always there.
And I've never forgotten.

Hoping for a Better Week

So this week hasn't been the greatest.
For some reason I've been an emotional wreck this week and everythings getting to me so much. It honestly feels like nothing is going right.

So here's hoping that next week is better because I could really use a good day right about now.

I'm going to camp tomorrow until Sunday so I'm sure I'll be able to recollect my thoughts and rise my spirits.

Have a great weekend everybody.

And sorry, no Weekly Gratitude today... My emotions are too all over the map to collect and think about the positive things. Unfortunately my mind is feeding off the negative.

Soul Surfer: Inspiration

Everybody needs to drop what they are doing this very minute and go see this movie!

Never in my life have I seen a movie that has uplifted me the way this one did. I was crying throughout the whole thing, both happy and sad tears.

It was incredibly inspiring the way this girl lost her arm when she was on the road to being a professional surfer but then didn't give up on her dreams! She continued on her path of surfing and was still awesome at it after lots of practise.

Not to mention, at one point in the movie they go to Thailand to help with the Tsunami relief. Can I just say, that as bad as it is, I've been incredibly ignorant with world issues until this movie? Everytime a natural disaster happens, I think it's terrible, but I don't think too much more on it. But this movie really opened up my eyes to that and now I just feel awful.

I was still crying to John 2 hours after the movie ended (he must think I'm such a disaster) but I couldn't help it... I was just so sad. I still feel sad.

And it just made me realize ever more what I want to do with my life... I just want to help people.

I feel like if I stay in this industry, I'm not making a difference. And I just want to make a difference for people who have had things happen to them out of their control... and well...just make them feel better.

That's what I need. I know this.

So where am I going to start?

Well, considering I can't go to school for it yet, I'm going to volunteer. Big Brothers Big Sisters to start.

I wanted to do Children's Aid Society, but you have to commit for one year and I don't know if I can do that right now. Where as Big Brothers Big Sisters you commit to UP to one year.

I'm really excited to get started with that because I think it will definitely help lift me up into the right direction.

Right now, I feel like I'm kind of in this rut and I think this is a good way to get out of it. It'll help me feel better and I'll be helping out someone in need and the community.

Wouldn't it be nice?

...If we could please everyone? If our decisions could make everyone happy?

Well unfortunately, this is impossible and it seems that no matter what I do, someone gets hurt.

Wouldn't it be nice though?

Low Morale

I'm not in a good mood today. Everything is going wrong.

 You know those days where everybody should probably watch out because you might say something you will later realize (when you're a bit happier) was probably very hurtful?

It's one of those days.

I'm sorry for this negative post... I'm just having a bad day.

Thinking Of You

Dear Amy,

I know we haven't spoken often but I just want you to know I'm thinking about you.
I am thinking about you and wishing you a well recovery.

I think this teaches me that I need to keep more in contact with our little Drama class from highschool. All you kids meant the world to me, you should probably know that.

I really didn't like highschool and that semester kept me sane because I had you guys to look forward to at the end of the day. You were always keeping me laughing and I love you all so much. Our drama class was by far the best part of MY highschool experience, even though it probably wasn't as significant to you guys.

So Amy, please be okay. I'm worried and don't want anything to happen to you. <3 You're in my thoughts.

New York City, For Example.

I'm going to compare myself to my own obsessions.

We'll use New York City as an example.

My biggest dream (and goal, essentially) is to head off to New York City. Vacation first, and then hopefully to live.

Unfortunately, that probably won't happen for a while. But for some reason, it's like I need to go there now. I always want everything right now.

Like most things in my life...

Something I need to learn to do is to appreciate what I have going for me right now. Right here.
Why is that so hard for me? I always have to focus on everything that is so far away. Long gone.

I know what is going to make me happy. I know that New York City would make me happy, among other things.

But that's not going to happen right now. I need to accept that.

Any tips for moving on with your life after you've hit rock bottom?

Looking forward to..

I don't have much to post.

I have a few new things to look forward to consisting of:

Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep.
Glee on Box Set DVD.
Lord of the Rings: The fellowship of the Ring (the book).
Halloween.
Christmas.
Not eating ever again.
Exercising (Let's get serious.)

I'm thinking I need to work out.

I don't enjoy the feeling of carrying a small baby in my stomach.

Relax. I'm not pregnant. But it sure feels like it the past couple of days.

Stomach Bloat...go away-I beg of you.

Future Pondering

I sometimes wonder what is going to happen after my temporary job (insert sad face) is completed.
Of course-I wish it was permanent. I love what I'm doing. For the first time ever, I look forward to going to work. But, alas, it's not. Although, you never know what could change in the meantime...7 months is a long time.

But-what comes after? If there are no job openings in the station, I'm back to square one. But with no job. Do I pick up my stuff and move to another city? I think my experience working with clients, professional writing, etc. might boost my chances of getting hired in a larger market. So, is that what I do? Just pick up and go? Serve tables until the media decides to hire me? Live in a bachelor sized apartment in a grungy Toronto area? Do I live in a small town with the high hopes of getting hired by them? And what happens if no one hires me?

These are all questions that I will sit here and ponder until March.

I consider myself extremely lucky that I have this Creative Writer job. So lucky.

I'll take all the experience I can get.

This Day Needs to End!

I advise all you wonderful readers to not ever fall into a "slump" like the one I've fallen into recently. It involves heavy food consumption and a whole lot of cuddling up under the warmth of a blanket in bed while watching large doses of Sex and the City seasons one through five. I do this by myself, mind you.
I lead quite the exciting life!
I think the cause of this involves the fact that I've made many mistakes in my life and the time I spend alone in bed while watching the ladies of SATC cry about ex boyfriends and careers, helps me to cope with the pain.
Hopefully tomorrow morning my life will get a little bit more exciting.
Please, please, please.